Well...its exactly 1 am and I cant sleep for the life of me. I was going to attempt to go to bed early tonight since I went to sleep around 4 am yesterday. Needless to say since I have come back from Arizona I have developed a sense of insomnia. Why is that??? I guess I could lie to myself and say I'm still trying to adjust to the 2 hour time difference between here and there, but that would be a huge joke! I never had trouble sleeping BEFORE I went to Arizona...so why now?? The truth of the matter is I felt how wonderful it felt to sleep next to Zack all night and now I'm addicted!!! I have never slept so well in my life as I did when I was in Arizona with him. I forgot how nice it felt to be all wrapped up in someones arms, to feel someones heartbeat against my skin, to hear someone breathe right next to me, and best of all...randomly waking up in the middle of night to someone kissing your forehead, or your shoulder, or your cheek, or your eyes, or your neck, or just....wherever!!! There were several times in the middle of the night he didnt know that I felt him pull me close and kiss me gently...and he thought he could fake sleep while I kissed his face. I always imagined it would be nice to sleep next to him all night, but I never imagined it would have this much of an effect on me!!!  It is safe to say I am officially lovestruck and I dont care who knows it...or what anyone thinks of it!! And for the first time I KNOW its the same for him....he is crazy about me and I dont doubt it for a second!! In fact I saved one of his text messages today that just lit me up it said "Sorry, I just love you so deeply and passionately that I dont know if its good or bad for me." I assured him it was all good!!  And he didnt disagree!! Anyways it has been almost three years since I have been this happy in a relationship and everyday I thank God for bringing Zack into my life and I pray that I never lose him. He inspires me to be and do so much and on top of that he thinks I inspire and motivate him as well. But I cant lie this distance has become a lot harder on me than I thought it would. I find myself almost aching I miss him so much sometimes. The day I left Arizona was the hardest day in my life. I had to fight back every urge of crying my heart out on the plane as it took off the ground in Arizona. As much as I love Texas...I never thought it would hurt so much to be back. I try to remind myself that it wont always be like this...that after I graduate and if God willing I can move there and be around him more often!! There are GREAT hospitals all over the place down there so I pray that there will be a job for me. We have already discussed engagement and marriage but have both agreed that it wont happen for at least another year or two...that is AFTER I graduate and get my medical career started. I guess my main fear is this distance will become too much for him and he will let go. I know that wont be the case for me...I have been into waaaay too many dead end relationships to know that this is something different...thats this is what I have been praying for every day and night....that I am in this until the end. I care about him so much its just indescribable...I never thought it would be possible to be this much in love. I still remember when I first met him...I remember going to work and everyone already telling me that I seemed happier, and full of life!! It didnt hit me that Zack was the reason until now. I used to be a bit dark and depressive before I met him and I tried to blame it on a chemical imbalance that I have but thats crazy talk....I was just missing something....I have had a slow growing void in my heart for three years now that Zack has completely filled in just 5 months! I told him today that I wished he could feel everything that I feel towards him! Haha he tried to explain how he felt but I told him to take that and multiply it by infinity and take it to the depths of forever and he will still only get a small glimpse of what I feel. He then proceeded to ask me what I will be doing for the rest of my life, b/c he would love to use that time to try and figure that out!  Anyways I'm just rambling on now, trying to wear myself out so I will fall instantly asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. And when all else fails I will usually go find my puppy and bring her into bed with me, it makes me feel like someone is with me and eases me to sleep...stupid??? probably...but it helps. *sighs deeply*